Choosing A Mate
Updated September 2008 - Research published last year in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
explored cognitive processes underlying choice of a mate and found that beauty is still of paramount consideration for
men while women are more discriminating, placing greater emphasis on the need for security and commitment.
Peter Todd, lead author and cognitive scientist at the University of Indiana explained:
"Evolutionary theories in psychology suggest that men and women should trade off different traits in
each other, and when we look at the actual mate choices people make, this is what we find evidence for. Ancestral
individuals who made their mate choices in this way - women trading off their attractiveness for higher quality men
and men looking for any attractive women who will accept them - would have had an evolutionary advantage in greater
numbers of successful offspring."
Focusing on a speed-dating event in Germany, researchers compared what people said they were looking
for in a mate with whom they actually chose. They explain that this increasingly popular phenomenon enables
participants to have "mini dates" lasting 3-5 minutes with up to 30 different people after which they record who they
would like to see again. The study included 46 adults who completed self-assessment questionnaires beforehand, also
identifying evolutionarily relevant characteristics of their ideal mate such as physical attractiveness, financial
status and prospects, health and parenting qualities.
Researchers found that participants stated they wanted to find "someone who was like themselves"
defining this as a socially acceptable answer. However, in practice men sought the more physically attractive women
in the group whereas female participants gravitated towards men demonstrating affluence, their aspirations dependent
on how they had assessed their own attractiveness. The average male participant wanted to see half of the women again,
but female participants wanted to meet only one-third of the men.
While not surprised at this outcome, researchers found that speed-dating proved a useful forum, a
"microcosm where mate choices are made sequentially in a faster and more formalized fashion than in daily life."
Peter Todd added:
"Speed dating lets us look at a large number of mate choice decisions collected in a short amount of
time. It only captures the initial stage of the extended process involved in long-term mate choice. But that initial
expression of interest is crucial for launching everything else."
Flirting
Recent research from psychologists at McGill University published in the Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology has identified gender differences in responses to flirtation. Researchers found that men tend
to consider their current partners less favorably after meeting an attractive unattached woman whereas female
partners are more likely to work on strengthening existing relationships. Men tend not to consider flirting with an
attractive member of the opposite sex as threatening their relationship but can learn to resist temptation when
trained to think of this as a possible outcome.
Researchers used virtual reality scenarios to analyse how 724 young heterosexual men and women in
serious relationships reacted to the introduction of a third party. In one study involving 71 unsuspecting male
participants, roughly half were introduced to an attractive flirtatious woman and the remainder to an "unavailable"
woman who ignored them.
Participants then completed a questionnaire in which they were asked how they would react if their
existing partner had done something irritating such as lying about the reason for canceling a date or revealing
embarrassing information about them. Men who had met the flirtatious woman were 12 per cent less likely to forgive
their partner compared to 17.5 per cent of 58 women put in a similar situation.
Lead author John E. Lydon, PhD commented:
"One interpretation of these studies is that men are unable to ward off temptation. We do not
subscribe to this. Instead, we believe men simply interpret these interactions differently than women do. We think
that if men believed an attractive, available woman was a threat to their relationship, they might try to protect
that relationship."
In another study researchers tested whether 40 male participants could learn not to flirt if they
formulated a plan or strategy in advance. Half were asked to visualize being approached by an attractive woman and
to write down a strategy to protect their relationship. This group was more likely to distance themselves in
subsequent virtual reality scenarios. Researchers found that women do not require similar training.
John E. Lydon said:
"Women have been socialized to be wary of the advances of attractive men. These findings show that even if a man is committed to his relationship, he may still need to formulate strategies to protect his relationship by avoiding that available, attractive woman. The success rate of such strategies may not be 100 per cent but it is likely to be significantly higher than if the man was not made aware of the specific consequences of his actions."
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